Nearly every morning while I sip my coffee trying to suck the life force back into my withered soul after a night of 15 sleep spurts, I talk to my fellow BFF blogger, Cassandcastle. This year, the hot topic was sobbing to one another about turning 30. We had the pleasure of hitting this milestone less than a month apart from each other. Every single morning we would whimper about how dreadful the big 3-0 was going to be.
“No more Netflix marathons in our underwear,” I would sniffle. “It’s just not cute or feasible anymore.”
“I haven’t even had kids yet!” Cassandcastle would exclaim. “I don’t have time for Netflix! I need to use these ovaries before they turn into California Raisins!”
Ever single morning we would stare at our calendars wondering how many more nights of: dancing on bars, sleeping until noon, eating Taco Bell without the need of Maalox we could squeeze in before our inevitable spiral into the nursing home.
But, you know what? We became 30 flirty and thriving last spring (against all our prayers to stumble upon the Fountain of Youth) and we fucking love it. I’m serious. We talked about this not too long ago. Since turning 30, we feel like we finally got shit handled. Things seem less cloudy, more grown-up and we love it.
Here are the ways life has improved since becoming 30 flirty and thriving:
- My premature gray hair suddenly isn’t weird anymore. Due to my bone-crippling anxiety, I started turning gray right out of high school. This was a regular Greek tragedy 12 years ago. Now? I am fitting right in amongst my fellow silver sisters.
- Money isn’t as tight. The other day, I asked my husband how it happens that we now have four kids but seem to be less stressed about money than we were in our mid-20’s. His response? We no longer have to support our binge drinking, delivery food ordering and nights on the town. Also, yoga pants are a lot less money than jeans. Hooray to no social life!
- Taking care of shit. I finally realized, in my wise old age, that if I avoid doing things my parents aren’t going to swoop in and save the day anymore. That means actually paying my bills before they are due and cleaning up my house before the mice take over. This has stupendously alleviated my anxiety. Who knew?
- Eating better. Turning 30 might not seem old to some of you, but to me it was an eye opener. I’m not some young number who has all the time in the world. I am a silver-haired mother of four with a sickeningly low amount of life insurance. I needed to take care of my body before I was on My 600 Pound Life. Again, putting a vegetable in my mouth in place of a french fry has also cleared up a lot of mental instabilities. Apparently I should have a listened a wee bit in health class, eh?
- Mom bras are in style. When you’re 20 and wearing those embroidered bras that come in a box with straps the width of duct tape, you’re not really the cutest. But, when you are well-endowed a lot of times box bras are all that fit. Now that I’m 30, I feel that my cone boobs are a badge of honor. Get it, girl.
- Confidence. Being 20, especially in your early 20’s is kind of like a giant panic attack. You’re thrown into the world head-first and have the figure out who the hell you are. You kind of know what you want, but not really. You kind of know who you want to be with, but not really. Now? I actually have a five year plan. I don’t apologize for who I am anymore. I accept and know who I am, what I want and what it will take to get there. Eyes on the prize. Let’s Jennifer Garner the shit out of this 30 flirty and thriving-style.