If you’ve personally known me for longer than five years, you’ve seen me (over)indulge in a couple adult beverages. Even as I started adding to my household, I continued to celebrate Mommy Wine or Whiskey Hour. This turned into Mommy Hangover Morning and Mommy Eats a Whole Pizza Every Night. So, as I got four kids deep I decided drinking on the clock (which never stops, I might add) is probably not for me. But, what in the actual fuck is a mom supposed to do to relax when booze is off the shopping list?
There’s something about me that very few people know. I have admitted it to, maybe, two people in my life and they looked at me like some kind of pervert so I have kept it mum until recently. Growing up, I discovered this weird feeling. Not a sexual feeling, but the euphoria was quite similar. It happened when I watched people perform attention-to-detail tasks. For instance, I had a friend who was very OCD. I, on the other hand, am whatever the opposite of OCD is. When I watched her color code her planner, align her pencils on her desk in a meticulous fashion or perfect an art project, the hairs on the back of my head would stand up. I would melt into my chair. The hair on my arms would raise and I would be completely, and utterly relaxed.
For my 30 years, I always thought I was some kind of anomaly. Like people who are sexually attracted to kitchen appliances. What was wrong with me?
But, in a desperate plea to meditate/relax one wine-free evening, I read another mom say that watching massage videos helped her relax. Huh. Sounded weird, but I was about to chug mouthwash so I gave it a shot. I stumbled across ASMR Psychetruth on YouTube and my mind exploded. This adorable woman was massaging silent people while she whispered into a microphone. Instantly my whole body melted into the bed and I was asleep. The next day, I was astonished when I googled ASMR. It stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response and it was EXACTLY what I experienced when I saw people draw on whiteboards, play with my hair or color pictures.
There are many different triggers for different people. So, if you have yet to experience the meditative bliss that is ASMR, try different videos. ASMR Psychetruth has many different videos. From hair brushing, to back tickling to mouth noises (yuck), there’s something to trigger any fellow ASMR experiencer. There are also YouTubers like ASMR Darling who I have recently started watching who pretends to give you a head massage and that was an instant sedative as well.
For real, give this a try. I have tried meditating, yoga, essential oils, massages, researching lobotomies and nothing has put me into a complete and utter puddle of relaxation as ASMR triggers. It is the one thing that relaxes me more than alcohol and Xanax.
Still think I’m a freak? Well, check out the entire community on Reddit for fellow ASMR whack jobs.
Have another alcohol-free relaxation technique? For the love of all things holy, PLEASE leave it in the comments!!!!