Will it ever end? Is there life out there? What does the world smell like without the faint burn of Vicks in my nostrils? It seems a sick family is the only one I will ever have.
Preschool is seriously a cesspool. I don’t know why they even go through the charade of washing their hands upon entering the classroom. They might as well walk in, lick each other on the face and get this shit over with. Otherwise, we are just in this constant game of Hot Potato but instead of tossing around a potato, we are just handing the flu and Hand Foot and Mouth to the weakest link.
I’m pretty sure I’ve swallowed more sneezes tonight than I did actual food. The plus side, when I don’t hear my three year old beating the snot out of her brother I know she is frozen somewhere in the house with a six inch snot rocket hanging from her nose. Apparently she has absolutely no idea what to do with a runny nose so she just stands there until it either falls on a cat or I arrive with a tissue/body part to wipe it on.
Once I finally get 10 days of antibiotics in one mouth, I start the next round. Then, another mega strain hits and we are all on our asses again. I took my daughter to her annual doctor’s visit today and the doctor said, “Did you know she has an ear infection?”
“Well, she just finished taking antibiotics for one. So, I might have known about it if it’s the same one,” I said.
“Let’s give her a stronger antibiotic. Except this one, if you don’t give her food before she will puke all over you,” he said.
It also seems as soon, as the antibiotics need to be dispersed, the husband curls into the fetal position under six comforters and wheezes out, “It got me,” right before passing out into a three day coma. You poke him with your toe every couple of hours in hopes to revive him, but he moans and let’s you know he is seeing the white light. He apparently caught the only fatal strand of the common cold.
Even though I feel like loading bleach in a fire hose and blasting this house clean, there are some upsides to mass sickness.
- Everyone is super cuddly. Little warm foreheads in the crook of my neck almost make it worth being used as a human Kleenex.
- We get to watch all the best 90’s kids movies because the kids have no energy to fight me. They lay there and fall in love with Home Alone, Beethoven and Aladdin.
- They don’t complain about meals because popsicles, ice cream and slushies are dessert after every meal. Ate your breakfast? Let’s have a sundae. I feel bad for you.
That’s really it. I mean, 90’s movies, cuddles and ice cream seems like my dream come true. But, I am willing to give it all up to have one day that I’m not wearing boogers.
Here’s to hoping.