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7 Ways My Four Kids Made Me a Hermit

7 Ways My Four Kids Made Me a Hermit

I have always been an extrovert. Before four kids, I would rarely spend a night home at my apartment. I was constantly out with friends or at Barnes and Noble surrounded by people. Sitting on the couch alone made me itchy.

When I had one kid, it made it a bit more difficult to go out of the house and do things but it was barely a speed bump in my social game. I still zipped around with my son in tow to restaurants and activities without skipping a beat.

Two kids in, a little bit more work but still could go to the store or visit family with a little preparation and well-timed naps.

Then I had twins.

Game changer.

My son was home for Christmas break last month. When I brought him back to school, I realized that was his first time leaving the house that entire week. What? That couldn’t be possible. I racked my brain through the holiday parties, grocery store runs and daily activities. Nope. He never left.

I have worked the past few weeks to at least take my two oldest out alone more often, but here’s the problem with pushing through that hermit-like state:

  1. Amazon Prime – I am convinced Amazon Prime has created an entire generation of hermits like myself. If you can live off non-perishable food items, there’s no reason to leave your home. As long as I have two days of supplies, there’s nothing I can’t get right to my front door. Just opening the door to snatch it off my porch is enough work.
  2. Midwestern weather – We are in the throws of winter, here in the Midwest. It’s below zero on a daily basis. The process of packing kids in snow gear, warming up the minivan, icing the drive, not falling and cracking someone’s skull open and driving with white knuckles through the streets requires some serious motivation.
  3. No two-seat grocery carts – My twins are on the cusp of being able to sit up on their own and sit in a grocery cart seat. HOWEVER, how does one do that with two babies? Am I supposed to flop one baby on top of my pork chops and hope a can of beans doesn’t pelt her in the head? If the store doesn’t have a two-seater grocery cart, I can’t go. I mean, I could go and have a four-year old and three-year old walk, push a double stroller and drag a cart behind but I’ve already had enough nervous breakdowns this week. We can just Prime some mac and cheese.
  4. Nap times – My day is a constant carousel of nap times. I am forever putting one down, getting one up and prepping the next one for bedtime. IF I do leave the house, it can be for maybe an hour if the babies can’t sleep in their car seats.
  5. Disease – Sending my son to preschool is like sending him to lick the handrails in Grand Central Station. There are sickness grenades being brought into our house on every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. If I can make it through the week without being barfed on, I am praising all the things. Why would I up my chances of puke buckets by heading into the grocery store, or worse the public library?
  6. Ample prep time – Mixing four kids with my anxiety means I need at least a week to mentally prepare for an outing. I can’t be pounced on. Asking to go to swimming classes tomorrow will send me in a tailspin of planning that will end in me feigning illness and eating a cheesecake. It’s just not possible.
  7. Family time – Truly, I really love our little family unit. I love these memories we are all making in our little cocoon of six. We may all get sick of the sight of each other and need time in our beds with Netflix from time to time, but my kids are learning their undying love for each other. It’s us against the world and for a little more precious time the pain in the ass of leaving the house is growing our bond in immeasurable amounts.

Do you have a large family? How do you wrangle them all? Tell me about it in the comments!

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Life as a Twin Mom with Two Toddlers

Life as a Twin Mom with Two Toddlers

When I think about life with a four year old son, three year old daughter and twin six month old girls, I think of the Jim Gaffigan quote, “You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.” Jim, you are 100% correct. Being a twin mom is a beast, but being a twin mom with two more young children is apocalyptic.

 

I get asked a lot what it’s like having four kids under the age of five. I also get a lot of different reactions when it comes to my brood. Some are like the grocery cashier who told me, “Better you than me!” as my twins are wailing and I’m dropping the contents of my purse on the conveyor belt while making sure the other two aren’t being sold into human trafficking.

Others look at me like someone who climbed Mount Everest in the nude. How do you do it?! Where do you get the energy?! Why are your boobs so saggy?!

 

But, looking back, life is completely different than it was when I was a regular mom with two kids. Here’s what it’s like being a twin mom with two other small children.

 

Continue Reading at Busy Mom Diary

Super Mom: That’s What You Can Call Me

Super Mom: That’s What You Can Call Me

As a mom of twins, I am in a LOT of mommy groups. Virtual mommy groups, really. Because I don’t have a lot of time to put pants on anyone and get to actual real life social interaction. In one of my Mommies of Multiples groups, I read a blog by a mom saying she found it offensive when others called her “Super Mom.” She just wanted to be considered a mere mortal like the rest of the world.

 

Wait, what?

 

Not only do I have twin five-month olds, I also have a four and three year old. I don’t leave the house without someone strapped to me, in a stroller or hefting enough carseats and diaper bags to pull neck muscles (been there, done that). I haven’t slept longer than 2 hours straight in five months. My nipples resemble hardened bunions.

 

If I walk vigorously up the stairs I can hear the clap of my withered, prune of a lower stomach slap my upper thigh. My closet has clothes ranging from size 26 down to size 12. I have worn all of those sizes in the past year. My head has bald spots so large I have taken to wearing bandannas like Captain Hook’s portly sidekick, Mister Smee. I take four kids to the grocery store which means I have to push a double stroller, pull a shopping cart AND make sure my two oldest don’t end up in an Amber Alert.

 

The absolute LEAST I have earned is having flabbergasted strangers call me Super Mom. I, myself, cannot even fathom how I pull off my daily agenda. The mere fact that I have an hour to type on a computer shocks me. I remember tooting my own horn for working 60 hours a week and thinking how damn HEROIC I was for pulling that shit off. My level of responsibility that exceeds my own comprehension. I use to close bars more than once a week. Now I am in charge of four extremely small and fragile beings and they are all still in one piece????

 

I have earned it. Call me super mom. I don’t know how, but I have earned it.

 

In that same breath, though, please don’t think I have advice. Like I said, I have absolutely not the slightest inclination of how this shit is getting handled. My kids are nice most days by pure luck of the roll. There is nothing “super” about my parenting skills other than the fact that I haven’t resorted to sleeping midday while they learned to juggle cutlery. I really have no idea what I am doing. BUT, I sure as hell love to hear other people call me super mom. I’ll take what I can get.

Double the Wowza: Two Toddlers AND Twins on the Way

Double the Wowza: Two Toddlers AND Twins on the Way

Blog Twins

Where have I been? Wow, that’s a loaded question. I have still been here. But, more or less in a stress-induced zombie state due to the fact that I am pregnant, again. For those of you who don’t recall, I have a three year old son and two year old daughter. But, before you give me the obligatory, “You’re going to be so busy!” Let me just hit you with this bitch slap… I am pregnant with twins.

Merciful mother of God.

Twins.

Two babies.

One and two.

I blame this all on my mother. Firstly, for giving me the genetic makeup to create two fetuses the good ol’ fashioned way (because I know you’re DYING to know if we tried to have twins — because I have sadly been asked that more than once).  Also, I am almost sure she did some type of Native American sorcery with locks of my hair and an old pigeon. She wanted twins so bad she wasn’t taking any prisoners. As I left with my husband to our first ultrasound, the last words out of her witch doctor lips were, “Two heartbeats!”

She did this to me.

Now, I had a feeling I was packing some heat before I ever went to the doctor. I told my husband it felt like twins and he laughed at me like I told him I think the world is going to end — he didn’t believe it, but would put a bomb shelter together, just in case.

When we got the ultrasound, the tech quickly asked, “Are you ready for a surprise?” She then switched to her data entry screen and switched “fetuses” from one to two. Nothing registered in my head until I saw that drop down click for two babies.

I yelled, “What did you just say?!”

“You’re having twins.”

“Holy hell. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!” I screamed while slapping my husband in the most glorious “I told you so” of my life.

He laughed. Then he winced. Then he held my hand like we were about to be flung overboard on the Titanic.

We sat there, gripping hands and watching these two beautiful blurbs glob around in my stomach for what seemed like forever. I cried. I laughed. I immediately started rattling off all the things we needed to buy in a manic overshare in front of the technician.

“We need a van! More beds! I need to potty train Sissy! I better be able to breastfeed! Imagine two babies on formula! So many diapers! When will I sleep? We are never having sex again!”

And here we sit. Weeks later and I am still reeling from the reality of having FOUR children under five. Might even be four kids under four depending on how fast these kids want to exit. I can’t even imagine what the next year has in store for my sweet, naive family. But, I can say, this is going to be one helluva ride.

-Mrs. Mommy Mack

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