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Sweaty Jiggles: Why I Hate the Gym

Sweaty Jiggles: Why I Hate the Gym

There is a certain charm to the gym. Like the free childcare. That’s charming. However, when you have four kids and two get carted around in 25 pound car seats, just getting them into the free childcare is more than a workout.

Other than that, I hate the gym.

Normally, I just go for yoga or Pilates. Those classes are all right, but if I hate it and want to leave, I can’t stand the burning humiliation of: rolling up my mat early, pretend staring at the clock like I have an urgent motherly matter and then skeedaddling across the street for sub sandwich.

Last week, I made the hideous decision to go on the treadmill. I love walking outside. I fucking hate treadmills. When I was around 10, I tried to be some kind of new age American Gladiator and took to my mother’s treadmill with a blindfold. Obviously, I thought the only trick I could come near accomplishing would be walking with my eyes shut. Solid strategy. But, I ended up tripping, flying at Mach 20 speed backwards and blowing a hole in the drywall with my entire body. I had road rash, but that was nothing compared to the white rage my mom had after seeing the outcome of my trajectory. I’ve never felt safe on one of those death machines since.

However, this week, I decided to go for it. I got my lazy ass to the gym, and on the machine. Quickly, I realized that every single machine was lined up in front of a wall of mirrors. Like, everyone in the room just stares at their sweaty jiggles and their neighbors’ sweaty jiggles for an hour. It was so uncomfortable I got a nervous rash. I needed a new option or I was just going to lay down in a pile of chips and gain 100 pounds back.

In steps this week’s promotion to the rescue!

I have teamed up with the fantastic OnlineGym4Me to offer all my readers one year’s FREE online gym access! It’s like the Netflix of workout videos so you don’t have to even put on a bra, brush your teeth or stand up if you don’t want to! HALLELUJAH!

OnlineGym4me is also accessible on both iOS and Android apps! YOU CAN DO THIS FROM YOUR PHONE!

Every month, you can choose from more than 200 live classes and also access the full library of recorded classes.

Just sign up using the below link and they will give you 1 Year Free Access.


Click the link below to get your free membership:

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